if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
