smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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