My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
