U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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