Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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