tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
