So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
