just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
