is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize