I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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