she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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