So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
