Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
