what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
