So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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