girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize