he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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