Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
