I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
