tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
