Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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