TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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