True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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