Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
