Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
