My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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