I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
