Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
