Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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