Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't deserve a penis
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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