Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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