peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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