Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I stole a fireplace last night.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize