so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
