im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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