he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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