puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
