I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize