Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
