I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
