I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
