Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
