at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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