I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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