No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
