mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I've blown a few things in my day
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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