The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
