I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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