im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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