brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
