is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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