If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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