you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
