haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
