Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
