His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
