My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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