I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
