Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
