We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
