Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
