I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
