We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
