i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
