it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
