Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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