ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize