thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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