Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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