Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
