Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
