Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
