The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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