Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
