i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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